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RECENT POSTSROADTRIP!New Year... New LookHave A Heart... Or Not....So Much For Sarcasm...The Nation Has Spoken...DO YOUR DUTY -- VOTE NOW!!!!Drinking, Driving & Whore HousesVegas, Headaches & A Prince of a ConcertMore Vegas RamblingsFear & Loathing in Las Vegas, Part IIARCHIVESOctober 2003November 2003December 2003January 2004February 2004March 2004April 2004May 2004June 2004July 2004August 2004September 2004November 2004January 2005AFFILIATES    BLOGS OF INTEREST
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Friday, January 30, 2004 Wow! I went with LL Robot to see The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King... for a second time. And it was just as exciting, captivating and totally awesome the second time around, as it was the first time. I sure as hell hope it cleans up at this year's Academy Awards. It totally deserves it. But we'll see. Anyway, after seeing LOTR again, it really got me thinking about Evil. I began trying to think of what, in our world, is really evil. I mean, there is really no evil like Sauron, in our existence. And honestly, I don't think "terrorism" is a great evil in our world. Yes, what the "terrorists" did on 9/11, was truly awful, despicable, and unthinkable. But I'm sorry, "terrorism" isn't truly an evil in the world, like say, Nazism was in the early 20th century. What we call terrorists, is merely a loosely connected group of extremists. And in this day and time, there are bazillions of extremists. These guys are just a little bit more dedicated to getting their point across. If you ask me, evil these days doesn't have so much of a face, as much as it does a theme. And to me, that theme is greed & unjustness. And what better example of that, than our (and I say "our" in the loosest sense) own president, Dubya. That's why we have to get that scumbag out of office. Even if our only other choice is, cough, Senator John Kerry.Well, at least Kerry is too robotic to be an evil dictator. Oh wait! Never mind... I'm off to meditate over a sip of scotch. Now scotch, that's never evil! Posted by Hasser @
10:43 PM
Thursday, January 29, 2004
Kinda New & Sorta Improved... Greetings friends! And welcome to the somewhat new look for Hasservision! As I said on Monday, I'd be dicking around with the front page layout, and I really did a bunch of minor dicking around. I hope you liked it. I basically moved shit around. That's an old trick I learned from my interior designer mother. Move a pillow and folks think you splurged on a whole new room! Well, I'm kinda diggin' this new look, so I hope it doesn't bug y'all too much. Anyway, it's been a few days since I posted, and low-and-behold, news happened!  First off, poor James Brown. The man can't get a break. First, he gets popped by the IRS... then some whiny assistant accuses him of popping her... and now he gets popped for popping the old lady!What does everyone expect? He's the Goddamn Godfather of Soul! Of course he's gonna haul off and hit his woman! I'd be disappointed if he didn't beat up an old hag now and then! But really, I'm not advocating any sort of domestic violence here. Imported violence... maybe. But definitely not domestic. Oh wait, I'm thinking of beer. HEY! Speaking of beer, I went to Conan's Pub last night in SE Portland, to see my friend, Sarah, perform her first official gig in the band, "Corner Office Suicide!" They totally rocked, and Sarah looked delicious up there on stage. But anywho, as I was standing in the pub, when I heard some yell out, "Hasser!" I turn around, and there's Rick from Beer Drinker.org! We had never met before, and had no idea that we knew people in the same band! How awesome and random is that? So after having several beers at Conan's, Rick, his wife, Nedra, and I, then jetted over to the Watertrough Saloon, also in SE Portland, and had some delicious Hefeweizen beer. All-in-all, a great evening! And new friends to boot! Well, I'm off to get ready for even more drinking tonight. Who knows who I'll run into tonight! Hopefully not James Brown. He has a mean upper hook! Posted by Hasser @
8:01 PM
Monday, January 26, 2004 Damn it!!! I hate when someone else thinks of a brilliant idea, and begins profiting from it on the web before I do. Not that I'll ever make a profit on the internet. That's not my main goal on the "information super highway." I'm more looking to be that witty bartender you meet in a dusty roadside tavern in the middle of the desert. He seems to know a lot, and yet, he's a fucking bartender in the middle of nowhere. Maybe that's the wannabe Buddhist inside me. So anyway, this guy I was referring to is brilliant! Renting out your chest for web advertisement? Completely funny, and utilitarian to boot. Of course, as you can see, my chest is way too damn hairy to write on. And no.. I won't shave it! Once you shave it, it grows back in even thicker. And it's already thick enough to puff my shirts out... so no thank you Mr. Gillette!! But, maybe I could just shave messages into my chest rug for money?? Would anybody buy that type of advertising space??Of course, I'd always consider shaving other parts of my hirsute body! Oh yeah! I need to think my good friend, Kitty, for emailing the link to the "rent-my-chest" guy. On a side note... Yes, I did add Haloscan comments to my little evolving website here. I hope you enjoy that feature. I know it's awesome to get feedback from all you great people out there. Also, I'll probably be dicking around with my front page layout. Because that's what I do best... dick around. And no, that's not meant to be dirty. Fucking a tweaked-out crack-whore in the men's restroom at taco-bell. Now, that's dirty! But really, I'm just a tinkerer. So, expect some modifications in the coming days. Anywho, I'm off to rearrange my cereal cabinet... then maybe my sock drawer. Posted by Hasser @
4:26 PM
Saturday, January 24, 2004 So, my friend, LL Robot thought it would be fun to create me, Hasser, in a video game. Star Wars Galaxies to be exact. And I'll admit, he did a pretty good job recreating my current likeness. Now, a little computerized version of me, is running around on Tattooine, or Naboo, or who the hell knows. I'm probably getting shot at by drunk Wookiees! Anyway, since LL got so much thrill out of making a "me," I thought it would be fun to see if I could recreate him! And I think I did an eerily good job! Check out his site and compare!By the way, I accomplished my task with a cool website I found called Morphases Editor. Basically, it allows you to take random facial features, from a databank of random people, and mix and match, until you have recreated the likeness of yourself, or in this case, LL Robot! I hope he enjoys it. Honestly, I think it's so good, it's damn CREEEEEEEPY! Posted by Hasser @
2:18 AM
Friday, January 23, 2004 First Mr. Rogers, now Captain Kangaroo. Another of our beloved childhood icons has passed away. Bob Keeshan died today at the age of 76. I have to say I feel sad for losing a man dedicated to the edutainment of children. Of course, I actually have to admit that Captain Kangaroo's passing isn't such a hard blow. I kinda thought he died years ago. In fact, I think a lot of people did. Well, this time, it's legit. That was a weird show though, wasn't it? Mr. Green Jeans, a talking moose, and grandfather clock. No wonder so many of us
Well, I guess I go put on some green jeans, and hope Big Bird isn't the next to go. Posted by Hasser @
12:46 PM
Thursday, January 22, 2004 After a delicious feast of sushi and comic books, my very good friend, LL Robot, surprised me with a totally awesome and heartfelt xmas present. Yeah, I know, we're slow to the punch when it comes to holiday gift exchanges. Anyway, Robot got me a calendar featuring the very talented, very lovely, Hilary Duff! Now, I'm sure many of you are thinking that it's kind of sickening for a 30 year old "man" to enjoy the beauty and charm of a Posted by Hasser @
2:10 PM
Wednesday, January 21, 2004 Higher security, peace, financial freedom? Sounds a lot like a story in a galaxy far, far away, if you ask me. First of all, did Dubya and Cheney go shopping with their mommies for the same exact suit to wear to the State of the Union? Talk about Corporate America! They looked like managers at Pizza Hut! These guys are just nooooooo good! Just like Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader. The shroud of the darkside has too long clouded our judgment. Act now, we must. Or lost, will the war be! Oh wait... sorry. I fell into Yoda mode there for a second. Anyway, point of the story, Dubya/Cheney bad... Whoever's running against them... good!!Hell... I'd even vote for the Dark Lord of the Sith over Dubya. At least Vader is straight forward when he's jerking you around! Posted by Hasser @
3:58 AM
Monday, January 19, 2004 Ok. I'm getting back on my political soapbox. Bear with me here. Why in the mothergrabbing, micky-ficky world, does Iowa have such a major role in deciding who our candidate will most likely be for the presidential elections? Have you ever been to Iowa? Do you know what people do there? This is the middle of nowhere, ok? I'm sorry if you're from Iowa and you're reading this. But really? WHY?!?! What is Iowa known for? Farming. We're letting a bunch of farmers decide who should lead this country? These are the same people that spend their days milking cows, and examining shafts of grain! These people should go about making our breakfast cereal, and leave politics to the people that actually know what's going on in the world!! If you wear overalls on a regular basis, I don't want to know your thoughts on the state of global affairs! Not that there's really a great democratic candidate to defeat Dubya anyways. We all know he's going to buy and cheat his way back into the White House. He'll pull Osama Bin Laden out of his ass a week before elections, and every backwoods, gun-toting, tobacco chewing, sister-fucking, slackjawed degenerate, will blow their collective load all over the republican knob in the voting booth... and we'll all be doomed for another four years!! I think at this point, we should really hope Canada and Mexico invade the US at the same time, and split this dying Bald Eagle into two new provinces. That's fine with me. I love Burritos... and Seagram's Seven. I'll just wave my new Canexico flag, sit on my front porch, and watch a new crop of grain grow in my lovely Iowa field.
Posted by Hasser @
6:22 PM
Thursday, January 15, 2004 I stumbled across a stupid product on some website the other day. And if I ever see anyone using it.... I'm going to grab it, shove it in their ear, and pull their pea-sized brain out with it. Who the fuck needs a fork to eat popcorn?!?!? If you're too much of a wuss to get a little butter and salt on you hands, then I think it's time for electroshock therapy! Anyway, this stupid product reminds me of a time I got a really insane catalog in the mail. It looked harmless, until I started reading some of the product descriptions. Just some really fucked-up shiznit! It really blows your mind what crap people invent, in hopes to better humanity's situation.A popcorn fork? Gimme a break. Well, off to eat a candybar before work. I'll be using a fork and knife to slice it up. Just so I don't get my hands all sticky... Posted by Hasser @
2:23 PM
Wednesday, January 14, 2004 I admit, I'm totally stoked about the idea of having a permanent moonbase and Human journeys to Mars. I think it's awesome! I mean, afterall... I'm a geek... of course I'd be excited. But why... PLEASE GOD WHY.... did it have to be announced by our moronic president? Of all the people in the world.... of all the presidents in our nation's history... why did it have to be one who can be confused with a chimpanzee? Watching him talk about humans on the moon and Mars, is like watching a retarded kindergartener ramble on about Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. Although mostly stupid, Bush is also arrogant and shifty... so it makes it even worse. It's so obvious he pulled this shit out of his ass to keep diverting our attention from how shitty things are getting because of his dumb ass!! He's like a two-bit magician trying to distract you with one hand, while he makes the illusion with the other. GRRR!!! Anyway, I am still psyched about space exploration. Is it necessary? Not really. But it is out there. And we are here. It's bound to happen. We're not alone in this universe. Not that the rest of the universe deserves to be subjected to our whiny human asses. We're still pretty stupid, evolutionally speaking. But I know we'll make it to Mars. Although I don't think we should continue to put our hopes and dreams in a government run space program. Space isn't their's.... it's everyone's! Individuals should improve our space travel technology. Not some foundation or government bureau. Afterall, it was the pioneers who traveled across the Great Plains, and the harsh, deadly Rockies to settle in the west. That's the kind of spirit we need for getting off planet earth. And sure, we're gonna fuck up and kill a few people getting into space. It's part of the process of exploration... Trial and Error. Without it, we'd still be picking leaves off a tree and grunting. Ok.... I'm done for now. Check out The One True b!x's "Mars or Bust" site. It's got a lot of cool info on Mars and space travel. As for now, I'm going to go space out in a dark room... Posted by Hasser @
7:02 PM
Tuesday, January 13, 2004 Well, it was sure a fun night last night. Good to see my peeps again. I love The Ambassador. That beautiful bartender sure knows how to pour a drink! Scotch really is a wonderful drink, if I do say so myself. People always says it stinks, and tastes like turpentine... but once you become a scotch drinker, you never go back. You're a scotch drinker for life. I wish I could find and post (not a good idea with copyrights though) an article that appeared in a Christmas Edition of Playboy Magazine, by the late, great Phil Hartman.  Anyway, the article is basically a survival guide for workplace Christmas parties. In it, Hartman rejoices the gift of Scotch, as a way to truly enjoy the situation. I won't go into the semantics, so you should find it and read it. And now, I'm off to refill my bucket with a little heavenly juice from the Glen... Posted by Hasser @
8:52 PM
Monday, January 12, 2004 My good friend, Mr. L. L. Robot, just came up with a fabulous new little webpage.It's called "The League of Extraordinary Drinkers." The idea is, a group of drinking friends, posts messages about wild nights they've experienced. Maybe it's a funny story about how they accidentally hit on a transvestite. Or maybe it's a horrifying story about how they married a transvestite. Not that any of us have ever been attracted to a transvestite. Ok. Maybe Seanbaby did one time. No wait... maybe that was me. I can't remember. See? That's exactly what this new website will do... fill in the blanks... from our drunken journeys through Middle Earth.... or Portland, Oregon... as it's most commonly known. All I know is, this website will help me a lot. Because I'm a scotch drinker. And I tend to blackout a lot because of it. Now, where did I leave my car last night? Posted by Hasser @
2:48 PM
Saturday, January 10, 2004 Thank dog for the weekend. Of course, I still have to work today and tomorrow, but at least the light at the end of the tunnel is shining brighter. It's been a long week in the land of tv news. Continuing live coverage of Snowgasm '04 has really turned me into a crotchety old man. But honestly, the storm itself has been pretty fun. Although, waking up to the sounds of people trying to move their frozen and plowed over cars, is getting a little old. But not doing much, besides work, has afforded me some time to reminisce about days gone by. I was glancing through some old photographs I found in a drawer. I came upon a picture of myself, dressed up as Benjamin Franklin. That was what I used to do... dress up as historical figures, and roam through random towns bringing joy and historical perspective to good little girls and boys. I like to think of it as playing Santa Claus. But instead of giving out presents, I give people the gift of completely making an ass of myself to total strangers. This particular time, dressed as Franklin, I roamed the town of Fort Wayne, Indiana.I visited schools, libraries, nursing homes, and prisons for women, and shouted the many proverbs old Ben penned himself. "A penny saved is a penny earned, young man," I boastfully shouted at a confused and frightened bank teller. I think he thought I was a demented bank robber. "A stitch in nine saves time, my fair young lass," I told a female prisoner sitting on death row. She threw her feces at me. "Kill no more pigeons than you can eat," I exclaimed to a homeless man, as he rummaged through a trash can. He found a half eaten Whopper and offered me a bite. Playing Benjamin Franklin taught me many valuable lessons about life. But the main thing I learned, was people in this day and age, don't take kindly to a man in knickers. Posted by Hasser @
11:20 AM
Thursday, January 08, 2004 Greetings from the still frozen tundra, known as Portland, Oregon.The snow that's accumulated over the last few days, is now being pelted by freezing rain. With that mixture, and the warming temperatures, the whole city has turned into a giant ice rink. Of course, most people in the city are just sitting at home stranded in their pajamas.  Other people are stranded at Portland International Airport.Why? Because it's too icy on the runways! Apparently this city has never heard of deicer or sand, or salt, or kitty litter, or grape-nuts. Our popular public transportation system is also having trouble in the winter storm. The "MAX" Lightrail trains literally froze in their tracks.  Speaking of cold, the movie, "The Cooler", looks awesome. I think I'll have to go see it... as soon as this storm stops so I don't have to work 70 hours a week. Posted by Hasser @
5:34 AM
Wednesday, January 07, 2004 It's absolutely gorgeous here in Portland, Oregon!I've lived here now four years, and never have I seen the city blanketed by so much snow pretty snow. It reminds of my Midwestern roots. Of course, back in Indiana, we actually PLOW THE GODDAMN ROADS!!!!!  This city has the weirdest attitude about clearing the streets. They just let the snow pack down, and tell people to stay at home. It's insane, but that's fine. It makes an easier commute for us people who have to work regardless of the weather conditions. I got home last night after our latest snow/freezing rain, and took some pictures around the house. Snow has this calming effect on me. It makes me think of the great times I had digging snow tunnels with my friends when I was a wee lad. I hope it stays like this for awhile.  Of course, working in the News Media business at a Portland TV station, we tend to overexaggerate the situation. We're calling our continuous coverage, Snowgasm '04. Oh wait, that's what I wanted to call it. Oh well... Back in to work I go. Who knows what I'll be doing today. Probably talking to viewers about the beloved soap operas we're pre-empting to bring them live coverage of Snowgasm '04. See? I think it's kind of a catchy title! Posted by Hasser @
3:20 PM
Tuesday, January 06, 2004 Do you ever miss certain parts of an old relationship?Maybe it was the way he/she would smile that would melt your heart... even though they were crazy. Or maybe it was the way your ex used to drive your car like they were in a grand-prix race. Well, for me, I have to say I miss my ex-girlfriend's dog.  And really, calling Milo a dog, is just not fitting. I mean, technically he is a dog. But he's so much cooler than most dogs. He's more of a little person. I used to take him on walks... feed him all sorts of fun crap... play ball with him... and let him sit in my lap (even though some people were totally against him being up on people or furniture). Don't get me wrong, my ex-girlfriend is a great person. She's lovely, charming and talented. I wish her nothing but the best of luck, and still consider her a good friend. But to find a dog like Milo is truly a rare occurrence. I hope whoever I date next, has a really cool pet. Because, trust me, it makes it a lot easier to deal with a nutty (but sweet) chick's bullshit, when a cool dog is there to totally distract you. Posted by Hasser @
4:40 AM
Monday, January 05, 2004 Holy shit. I blink my eyes and it's 2004. That's a good thing though. I think 2003 had it out for me. I don't know what I did to that year, but gee-willigers did it ever hate me.It really tested my strength and will to live. Thank dog I have some great friends that love and support me, cause Buddha knows I have little family to fall back on. Don't get me wrong. I love my mom. She's all I have as far as blood relatives in this world. But for some reason the way I live my life just doesn't sit well with her. I don't know why. I have a college degree, I rent half of an awesome duplex in Portland, Oregon, I've never committed a crime (well... I've never been arrested for a crime...), I don't do hard drugs, I'm not an alcoholic, and I'm not an asshole. But for some reason, I'm just not good enough.  This is how my holiday season went down when my mom arrived in Portland:
 Oh well. I guess you can never fully please your parents. Especially the kind that, with no ill intentions, try to vicariously live their life through their children. I still love her though. She just doesn't understand me or something. But enough of that sorrow shit. I can't wait to kick 2004's ass! I think it's going to be my year to really shine. I don't know why I think that. It just kind feels that way. I hope I'm right. I'm not big on new year's resolutions, but I've decided to shoot for the following:
But in all seriousness, I hope this year is good to everyone, and brings the world out of dark times, and into the light of everlasting light. Wait, that didn't sound right. Well, you know what I mean. I think. |
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