HasserVision

I was sipping a dusty Cadillac Margarita in a horribly painted Mexican Restaurant on the Southeast side of Portland... when the phone call came to my table.
It was my editor ... and he wanted me to travel to travel to Las Vegas... drink until my brain shriveled in horrific retreat... and turn 31 years old in the most memorable, and fierce way possible. I glanced at my partners, took the last sip from my nearly empty glass of margarita, and shouted for the check.
It then dawned on me, that I had just been ordered to journey to a place where wealthy men break down at the feet of prosthetically enhanced prostitutes, women paw at chiseled men like starving puppies, and reality ceases to exist as a purely linear experience. We decided to head out the next morning, but not before poisoning our livers with a few more alcoholic beverages.
Our itinerary was simple. All of us were to arrive at the most opposite times possible in Las Vegas... regroup at least five times... find a hotel room to hide our luggage... and commence with our mission to destroy any decency we might have left in our pathetic excuses we called lives. No small feat, but definitely not the first time we had faced such a mission. We had done the same thing several times over the last few years. Each mission, however, a bit different. Our crew not always the same faces. But our goals were permanently laid out like the roots of a Redwood in a virgin California forest... drink, gamble, drink more, run amok, and maybe lie on a bed when at all humanly necessary.
After several hours of scarfing down cheap buffet food, and finding the nearest lounge chairs at the pool, our crew had assembled itself in a motley fashion. We would pick up stragglers, and lose other members, as hours past. But our mission stayed on focus. We drank. We partied. We gambled. I turned 31. We drank some more. We gambled again.
We had survived Vegas... and Vegas survived us. We returned alive, but we shall surely return to that place, to see if the ferocious beast will ever be able to fully consume our brand of chaos. I have a good feeling, it will try but never succeed.

A special thanks to all of my friends who helped make turning 31 a big blast. And a really big thanks to the Las Vegas Hilton for putting up with our shenanigans at Star Trek: The Experience. If you'd like see what I'm talking about, be sure to visit the newest installment to the HasserVision Gallery... BORGed To Death.

Of course, much more happened in Vegas than I've shared with you in this post. Some of that stuff... will... as they say... stay in Vegas. But I'll share much more happenings, in future posts.
As for now, I'm going back to watching the Republican National Convention. I love fictional TV shows!!

Posted by Hasser @ 7:30 PM

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

1 More Before 31

So, It's been about a month and a half since my last post. Pretty lame eh? Who knew jails didn't allow blog posting?!?! Anyway... she said she was 18... so really it's her fault... not mine.
HAHAHA! Just kidding. I wasn't in jail. Besides, I always ask for ID when shagging the younger girls. I call that part of my safe-sex plan. Speaking of safe sex, due to a recent latex drought, I heard condoms are going to start having corporate sponsors to help them stay affordable for the masses. I don't know. I guess it makes sense.
But back to the blogging... it seems lately, I just haven't had anything to say, really. Or maybe I do, and I'm so busy actually "saying" it, that I just don't get around to posting it on my blog. I think that's more accurate.

There's a good reason for this post though. It's going to be my last post before I turn 31 years old. So I figured, shit bitch, I gotta put something up on the site before I'm even older!!
The good thing is, 31 really isn't that big of a deal to me. 30 was kind of tough, just because ... ya know... ya set goals for your life... and age deadlines you want to achieve them by... and I just hadn't accomplished all I wanted to in my 20's. But I guess screwing a porn star while skydiving is just a bit far-fetched for a goals at any age.

So, I've been watching the Olympics off and on the last few days. It seems like a good event so far. Athens looks totally awesome. So many cool stories of victory are coming out of there, like the sole Iraqi Boxer who's kicking arse so far.
There's also another reason I watch the Olympics. Hot chicks.
Just take a look at the HasserVision "Hot Chicks in the Olympics" Gold Medals: (hold cursor over picture for caption)

Brazil's Ana Paula (R) and Sandra Pires celebrate a point during their preliminary round match of the women's beach volleyball against Norway at the Athens 2004 Olympic Games, August 15, 2004. Brazil won the match 2-1.

Brazil's Ana Paula (R) and Sandra Pires celebrate a point during their preliminary round match of the women's beach volleyball against Norway at the Athens 2004 Olympic Games, August 15, 2004. Brazil won the match 2-1.

Canada's Annie Martin dives for a ball during a match against the United States in the 2004 Olympic Games at the Olympic Beach Volleyball Centre in Athens, Greece on Monday, Aug 16, 2004. The US team of Holly McPeak and Elaine Youngs beat the Canadians in three sets.

Russian water polo player Maria Yaina prepares for team training at the Athens Olympic Aquatic centre on August 13, 2004. The water polo competition starts on August 15.

Uhh... I couldn't find this chicky's information. But really... I think she's given us all the information we need, already. Don't you?

Oprah Winfrey... what a woman!
Not only is she a billionaire media powerhouse... Influential social mouthpiece... hero for minority rights and achievements... and many other amazing things... she's now taken part in a process that is a civic duty of all Americans. Jury Duty.
And not some puny case, either. A murder trial!! And, along with the rest of her juror buddies, she convicted the bastard!! Good for you, Oprah! I wonder if murderer was a Texas cattleman. Wouldn't that be ironic? Anyway, Oprah plans on doing a show about the trial in the next couple weeks. Other jurors have already agreed to be on the show too. Of course they would!! It's Oprah, for Christ's sake! You don't turn down Oprah! Just ask Stedman!!

Awhile ago, a buddy of mine started his own website.
He asked me, "Yo, Hasser, could I get some props on your website?"
I responded, "Of course you can, kind Sir! It would be an honor and pleasure to promote your website on my own site. And thank you, for thinking of me, when looking for interesting places to promote your new endeavor!"
Ok... so it wasn't exactly like that. But check out this dude's website... danyk.com. Dan is a hilarious and brilliant dude. And he (more than likely) can outdrink me... so that's a huge accomplishment in itself!

Awhile back, I got to go on a fun trip with my buddies, Angelo and LL Robot. It was all part of Robot's parents big annual golf tournament they throw for employees and clients of their business, and other schlubs like myself and the boys. We also got to hang out with Robot's little brother, Tater. He's one hilarious mofo... and quite honestly... an experience you just have to live to truly appreciate!
By the way, we suck at golf... but we never let that stand in the way of having one hell of a good time on the golf course. I took my trusty digital camera with me during the tourney, and put together a little film about the experience.
Watch it and see just how much we suck... while continuing to have a blast.

And, as I wrap up my last blog post as a 30 year old guy, I'd like to leave you with a few pictures, and words of wisdom (or whatever the hell it is you leave people when you're talking about nonsensical bullshit) I've learned over the years, .
So, I'm outta here.
I'll see you when I'm 31.
And, by the way, I think I'm aging quite well, thank ya very much!
Peace out mah homies!

Such a cute chick and pussy.

Never threaten a pussy!

Practice, Practice, Practice...

Always obey warning signs.

Your mind can play tricks on you!

If Christ came back, so can Rick James.

Posted by Hasser @ 11:59 PM

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Monday, August 30, 2004

Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, Part II

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

1 More Before 31




	RECENT POSTS ROADTRIP! New Year... New Look Have A Heart... Or Not.... So Much For Sarcasm... The Nation Has Spoken... DO YOUR DUTY -- VOTE NOW!!!! Drinking, Driving & Whore Houses Vegas, Headaches & A Prince of a Concert More Vegas Ramblings Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, Part II ARCHIVES October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 November 2004 January 2005 AFFILIATES BLOGS OF INTEREST Blogroll Me! ABOUT ME: Name: Gregory Hasser Home: Portland, Oregon, United States About Me: I'm an existential voyager, sailing the high seas of mediocrity, in search of emotional wealth, kindred spirits, and free cupcakes. See my complete profile ETC. This website best viewed with: ie5x, 1024x768 cable/isdn			Monday, August 30, 2004 Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, Part II I was sipping a dusty Cadillac Margarita in a horribly painted Mexican Restaurant on the Southeast side of Portland... when the phone call came to my table. It was my editor ... and he wanted me to travel to travel to Las Vegas... drink until my brain shriveled in horrific retreat... and turn 31 years old in the most memorable, and fierce way possible. I glanced at my partners, took the last sip from my nearly empty glass of margarita, and shouted for the check. It then dawned on me, that I had just been ordered to journey to a place where wealthy men break down at the feet of prosthetically enhanced prostitutes, women paw at chiseled men like starving puppies, and reality ceases to exist as a purely linear experience. We decided to head out the next morning, but not before poisoning our livers with a few more alcoholic beverages. Our itinerary was simple. All of us were to arrive at the most opposite times possible in Las Vegas... regroup at least five times... find a hotel room to hide our luggage... and commence with our mission to destroy any decency we might have left in our pathetic excuses we called lives. No small feat, but definitely not the first time we had faced such a mission. We had done the same thing several times over the last few years. Each mission, however, a bit different. Our crew not always the same faces. But our goals were permanently laid out like the roots of a Redwood in a virgin California forest... drink, gamble, drink more, run amok, and maybe lie on a bed when at all humanly necessary. After several hours of scarfing down cheap buffet food, and finding the nearest lounge chairs at the pool, our crew had assembled itself in a motley fashion. We would pick up stragglers, and lose other members, as hours past. But our mission stayed on focus. We drank. We partied. We gambled. I turned 31. We drank some more. We gambled again. We had survived Vegas... and Vegas survived us. We returned alive, but we shall surely return to that place, to see if the ferocious beast will ever be able to fully consume our brand of chaos. I have a good feeling, it will try but never succeed. A special thanks to all of my friends who helped make turning 31 a big blast. And a really big thanks to the Las Vegas Hilton for putting up with our shenanigans at Star Trek: The Experience. If you'd like see what I'm talking about, be sure to visit the newest installment to the HasserVision Gallery... BORGed To Death. Of course, much more happened in Vegas than I've shared with you in this post. Some of that stuff... will... as they say... stay in Vegas. But I'll share much more happenings, in future posts. As for now, I'm going back to watching the Republican National Convention. I love fictional TV shows!! Posted by Hasser @ 7:30 PM Wednesday, August 18, 2004 1 More Before 31 So, It's been about a month and a half since my last post. Pretty lame eh? Who knew jails didn't allow blog posting?!?! Anyway... she said she was 18... so really it's her fault... not mine. HAHAHA! Just kidding. I wasn't in jail. Besides, I always ask for ID when shagging the younger girls. I call that part of my safe-sex plan. Speaking of safe sex, due to a recent latex drought, I heard condoms are going to start having corporate sponsors to help them stay affordable for the masses. I don't know. I guess it makes sense. But back to the blogging... it seems lately, I just haven't had anything to say, really. Or maybe I do, and I'm so busy actually "saying" it, that I just don't get around to posting it on my blog. I think that's more accurate. There's a good reason for this post though. It's going to be my last post before I turn 31 years old. So I figured, shit bitch, I gotta put something up on the site before I'm even older!! The good thing is, 31 really isn't that big of a deal to me. 30 was kind of tough, just because ... ya know... ya set goals for your life... and age deadlines you want to achieve them by... and I just hadn't accomplished all I wanted to in my 20's. But I guess screwing a porn star while skydiving is just a bit far-fetched for a goals at any age. So, I've been watching the Olympics off and on the last few days. It seems like a good event so far. Athens looks totally awesome. So many cool stories of victory are coming out of there, like the sole Iraqi Boxer who's kicking arse so far. There's also another reason I watch the Olympics. Hot chicks. Just take a look at the HasserVision "Hot Chicks in the Olympics" Gold Medals: (hold cursor over picture for caption) Oprah Winfrey... what a woman! Not only is she a billionaire media powerhouse... Influential social mouthpiece... hero for minority rights and achievements... and many other amazing things... she's now taken part in a process that is a civic duty of all Americans. Jury Duty. And not some puny case, either. A murder trial!! And, along with the rest of her juror buddies, she convicted the bastard!! Good for you, Oprah! I wonder if murderer was a Texas cattleman. Wouldn't that be ironic? Anyway, Oprah plans on doing a show about the trial in the next couple weeks. Other jurors have already agreed to be on the show too. Of course they would!! It's Oprah, for Christ's sake! You don't turn down Oprah! Just ask Stedman!! Awhile ago, a buddy of mine started his own website. He asked me, "Yo, Hasser, could I get some props on your website?" I responded, "Of course you can, kind Sir! It would be an honor and pleasure to promote your website on my own site. And thank you, for thinking of me, when looking for interesting places to promote your new endeavor!" Ok... so it wasn't exactly like that. But check out this dude's website... danyk.com. Dan is a hilarious and brilliant dude. And he (more than likely) can outdrink me... so that's a huge accomplishment in itself! Awhile back, I got to go on a fun trip with my buddies, Angelo and LL Robot. It was all part of Robot's parents big annual golf tournament they throw for employees and clients of their business, and other schlubs like myself and the boys. We also got to hang out with Robot's little brother, Tater. He's one hilarious mofo... and quite honestly... an experience you just have to live to truly appreciate! By the way, we suck at golf... but we never let that stand in the way of having one hell of a good time on the golf course. I took my trusty digital camera with me during the tourney, and put together a little film about the experience. Watch it and see just how much we suck... while continuing to have a blast. And, as I wrap up my last blog post as a 30 year old guy, I'd like to leave you with a few pictures, and words of wisdom (or whatever the hell it is you leave people when you're talking about nonsensical bullshit) I've learned over the years, . So, I'm outta here. I'll see you when I'm 31. And, by the way, I think I'm aging quite well, thank ya very much! Peace out mah homies! Such a cute chick and pussy. Never threaten a pussy! Practice, Practice, Practice... Always obey warning signs. Your mind can play tricks on you! If Christ came back, so can Rick James. Posted by Hasser @ 11:59 PM