Being in the news business, and an avid web surfer of websites like Fark and Fazed, I've seen my fair share of stupid stuff being auctioned off on the online phenomenon that is eBay. Everything from alleged time machines, to body parts for advertising space, to the Virgin Mary on a grilled cheese sandwich; it's all being bought and sold on eBay. It seems ridiculous people are making money on such asinine ideas and items. But hey, it just proves there are suckers out there who will buy anything.
I've had my own success on eBay selling small trinkets I pick up at the neighborhood thrift store, or old toys I don't want and/or need anymore. But it's really the stupid items on eBay that intrigue me. So I decided to indulge in my own eBay investigation... and I call it the The Poopy Bear Experiment.

What exactly is Poopy Bear? He's a ridiculous thing I sort of stumbled upon one day at work. Actually, I made Poopy Bear, in some respects.

I found the plain old teddy bear laying on the ground next to my desk. So it must have been fate. Being the twisted mofo I am... I decided to give the aforementioned bear, an entirely new identity. I won't divulge how... because that is the mystique of Poopy Bear.

The best part about Poopy Bear is the wide variety of reactions I've received while showing off my twisted invention. Some people laugh hysterically. Others run in disgust and fear. That's why I believe Poopy Bear could become a phenomenon!

And like any good phenomenon... his ass (every stinky inch of it) belongs on eBay. That's right. You could be the proud owner of Poopy Bear. You could gross your friends out all day... or maybe teach a small child a valuable lesson about potty training. I don't know. I feel the possibilities with Poopy Bear are endless.

And that's why I'm giving everyone a chance to possess him. He's currently on sale on eBay. Just like everything else in the world, and Mars.
Click here to view/bid/mock the Poopy Bear listing.
And let me tell you one thing.... Poopy Bear may be stinky... but he has a lot of love to give.
Good Luck!

Here it is, nearly the end of March already, and I really haven't accomplished much yet this year. I'm not just referring to my crappy blog thing. My life is in a stalemate. I think I've found myself stuck in a place cleverly coined by an old friend, Xjan.
Forgetuary.
It could be December for all I know. In fact, I recently discovered I still have some Xmas decorations up around my house. How pathetic is that? It's a few days from April. If the Easter Bunny visited my house, he'd probably freak out and think his timing was off, and run back to wherever the hell the Easter Bunny lives. Poor sonnuvabitch.
But I've decided to kick my ass into gear, and clean shit up. I started by finally ridding my property of my Xmas tree.

I took it down in January. But instead of calling a boy scout or a treehugger or the Pope, I decided to just plop it down in my backyard... which is actually a thin strip of shrubs and mulch next to the neighborhood sidewalk. So, anyone walking by my place would see a dead Xmas tree laying on the ground.
Kinda white trashy, isn't it? Yeah.
So, seeing it's March, and I'm a cheap bastard (when it comes to certain things), I decided to dispose of the tree. So, being a dumbass frugal guy, I sawed the tree into several small pieces... and gradually burned them in my fireplace. I say gradually, because if you've ever seen a TV newscast around Xmas, you've no doubt seen the "Xmas Tree Safety" story, where a pyromaniacal reporter, with the help of an equally pyronmaniacal fire fighter, torch a dry Xmas Tree in a matter of seconds... to basically show you that taking part in such pagan traditions, is a really great way to ruin your holiday. And my little experiment was no different. Just one tiny flame quickly erupted into a violent inferno inside my fireplace. Of course, doing that is stupid and dangerous. And at one point, I thought I was going to have to run for the fire extinguisher. That's when I remembered I didn't own an extinguisher. So I just stared in fright, while the flames grew exponentially in a matter of seconds. Luckily, it was over as fast as it started.
So that's what I did for about an hour. Set part of the tree of fire... watch it flash burn... run out and get more tree to burn. Repeat.
Safe?No.
Fun? Yes.
Productive? Hell if I know.
Do I have still have Xmas Decorations up? Yes.
How many more months until Xmas? 8 months.
Should I just go for broke and leave the decorations up for the next several months. No. I'm not that lazy.
Do you really believe that? Ok. No. But I'll at least put an Easter basket on the snowman.

Anyway, I took some pictures of my little "tidying up" session. Notice how quickly just one chunk of tree burned. Remember kids, don't try this at home. Ok... maybe you can try it. But don't blame me if getting rid of Xmas ruins your Easter.