So you're searching the Internet for that special someone who will make your dreadful, stinky piece of poop excuse of a life really worth living. And really, you'd think there would be no better place to find your soul mate, than on the World Wide Web. There must be hundreds, thousands, even millions of people just like you out there looking for love. Who cares if that person might live on the other side of God's green earth? You've taken those first steps to making a love connection. Let's just hope you don't get in over your head.
To be quite honest, I've tried the online personals method of finding love. So don't think I'm making this crap up! My attempts at e-love really just didn't pan out. Maybe that's because I was actually expecting to meet the person I read about in the personal ad. Let's face it. Everyone lies in his or her ad. It's human nature. If people put honest personal information in those things, no one would ever hook up online. But they do, because we fudge about the small stuff like the fact that we weight 380 and not half of that as we advertised.
Well at least that was my experience. Not that I weight 380 by the way. I'm pretty svelte in a hirsute, chunky way. But anyway, big boys need love too. So do the big girls. And oh my dog, do they give it to you. But we won't get into that right now.
Ok... we know we expect folks to lie about their information. So I've put together a little "user's guide" to online personal ads. I hope it helps. And as always, use protection. I'm talking of course about Internet firewalls. I don't want to know if you use condoms are not. That's your business. Either way, viruses are no fun. |
