Hasservision: Eyewitness News

Welcome to Hasservision Eyewitness News. We're not live. We're not local. And we certainly aren't late breaking. But we bring you the news the bigboys are afraid, or maybe too intelligent to touch with a ten foot pole. Now you know the rest of the story.

02/18/04
"The Battle for Love"
Kentucky shocks the world and approves
inter-species marriage.
What's next, sibling weddings?

06/01/03
"Homeland Refreshment"
The New US Department of Homeland Refreshment
heightens our taste buds with the official new icy-pop
flavor of summer.

03/15/03
"New Terror Threat"
Al Qaeda may be recruiting and training
America's retarded kids for an army
of surprise!

02/21/03
"Historic Peace Agreement
between Ford & Chevy Fans"
If these schmo's can do it, why can't the rest of the bloody world?

09/17/02
"God declared Deadbeat Dad"
Apparently someone hasn't been keeping up his custodial duties.

09/07/02
"Conjoined Stuffed Animals"
With the help of modern medicine, a sad case of shoddy toymaking turns into a happy story for a conjoined stuffed animal doggy toy.

08/19/02
"Amazing Breakthrough Study"
Finally, the study that lays it on the line and tells it like it is. Read this, and your life with change forever.